sunday thoughts

If you would have asked me about 3 years ago what my passions were, I would have told you exact answers. I would have said music for sure, and would have talked about how I wanted to be involved in the music business to some degree. I thought about majoring in audio engineering and reeeeeally wanted to go to Belmont. I was sure of who I was. I was relying on God and I knew what I wanted out of life. I was full of life! I wanted to discover and explore and experience things. So, yes, music was my plan. God had a different plan for me though. And I wound up at a school that I had initially not really wanted to go to because my whole family had gone (...I was that kid.) and I was in a major I didn't fully understand (actually still in that major). What happened between those 3 years and now? I don't know. I'm just learning not to blame anything or anyone but to just take life one day at a time.

Now. I have interests and ideas. But I don't have a specific passion. I don't have a plan. And that's scary. I've experienced some unexpected plot twists in the past 7 months and my life looks totally different than it used to. And that's where I remember God and His will. His plan is different than any plan I could imagine. His plan is perfect. His plan is reliable and His plan is better for me. So no, maybe I don't know what I want to do with my life. Maybe I don't love my major and I'm thinking I won't actually do much design after I graduate...but I DO know the type of person I want to be and I know that God knows who I am. And I think that's enough.

Fresh Breath

Well yeah, being outside is one of my favorites. I just tend to be cooped up in front of a computer screen (gag). 

I don't know why we do this. But sometimes, when humans are thrown extra responsibility, they stop doing things for fun and turn their attention to what is the most logical thing to do with their time. I get that sometimes you have to forego the things that make you happy in order to get what needs to be done (I get it. I totally do.). But I feel as though we forget to take care of ourselves outside of the normal, take a shower, eat healthy, and sleep type of things. A healthy mind is important too. So why not spend 10 minutes a day reading for fun? Why not a take weekend and go camping? Why not go to a restaurant and spend 3 hours eating your meal? Because I think when we take the time to take care of our mind and spirit, everything else begins to function in a better way. 

All of that to say. I love camping and haven't gone in a long time because of school. I am so happy to have the opportunity to go to college! But I'm learning that taking the time to pursue things just because they are fun...is a really healthy thing to do for a person. I feel better when I do it. So will you. Trust me. 

Let's just throw away our ideas of the perfect self and just do something for fun! No judgement, no guilt, just go and do it and take a deep breath and feel the life that God has given you inside of your lungs. Life is a blessing. Go live it.

lately

I think people have a misconception of being alone in public. People assume that the person alone is lonely and is sad. Which, yes, sometimes may be the case. But over the past week, I've learned to cherish being alone. I went to the movies with a group...and then split off and watched a movie by myself (for the second time, Walter Mitty, you hit me right here *fist to heart*). I went and got ice cream on a rainy day at Toomer's by myself and organized my mind for a few minutes. Trust me, I am not becoming a recluse, but I'm just learning to savor my alone time instead of scrambling texts to try to find someone to eat lunch with.
^above is my view of my spot for the semester. I have a class with a friend, and then I have about an hour before I meet up with other people for lunch. And in that hour I hunker down and read. (Lately I've been trying to finally finish A Severe Mercy. (Read this book. Read it. Don't think about it, just get your little booty to Amazon or wherever you desire to purchase books and buy this beauty of some words on paper. It will change your life.) Anyways. This is my view, and I like it. It was rainy on this particular day. And I was just looking at the University and realized that I have the privilege to attend such a wonderful school.


So, War Eagle, and a happy rest of the week to ya!

the weekenders: a little bit of SEC football

I may not be the loudest fan. I may not don orange and blue and auburn tshirts all the time. But just know that there is a part of me that gets giddy at a sea of orange in a stadium all howling war eagle and seeing the tops of hundreds of orange tents partnered with the aroma of grilled burgers. It's my school and it's a tradition.

War Eagle.

the weekenders: ice cream

If you've ever been to Auburn, you KNOW that you have to try Toomer's Lemonade. But when I go to Toomer's it is more likely that I will walk out with an ice cream cone than a big cup of lemonade (I can take about 5 or 6 sips of the lemonade and I'm done...it's SO sour!). And...I'll probably have a scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough.
Quick story: my freshman year, I went to Toomer's for ice cream in August (right after classes had started) and I sat down with my ice cream cone, went to lick the ice cream and it fell on the ground. It had rolled OFF the cone!

So I just picked it up and put it back on the cone. And then enjoyed my ice cream.
Nothing comes between me and ice cream...






I kind of always dreamed I would meet that special someone at Auburn, and we would be a little Auburn couple and go to football games, Toomer's, J&M, and lots of coffee shops in Auburn. I dreamed of taking coffee to that boy while he was studying for midterms and baking him little goodies. And you know, God always gives you the better plan and the better future. Turns out, I knew Garrett before going to college and we go to different schools. But he does visit and we get to go to games and Toomer's AND eat our ice cream on Samford lawn. So uh...war eagle?

Would you?

At my school, being a Christian is normal...being a Christian is expected. Sure, it's still a college campus and we have a vast amount of college students who believe different things but, for the majority, the Christian culture at college is overwhelmingly 'popular' and 'cool'.

Cool? I've heard many people talk about this subject. I've just been thinking about it recently. There are so many types of Christians...and so many ways to get caught up in the 'coolness' of Jesus or the world we like to call "Christian".

"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake." - Matthew 5:11 "Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake."- Matthew 24:9 "And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved ." - Matthew 10:22 From my standpoint, it's easy to see this Christian culture. The video about all the stuff that Christians say? Scary and accurate. But that's the thing. Christianity is easily viewed, not as a killing of yourself and your flesh day by day in order to serve the Lord...it becomes this cool kids group to which you subsribe. CAN you read your bible (or 'the Word') without a mug of coffee or hot tea or a moleskine/leather bound journal for notes and thoughts? (disclaimer: I say all of these things so I'm just as much questioning myself when I call these things out.) Have we gotten to the point where being a Christian is now a social networking scheme? As in, 'you don't need to join a sorority or fraternity, just get plugged in at a local church and start lovin' on people and they'll love back.' This is why the collegiate Christian culture scares me. It's so very enticing and fun. And to be REAL...there's nothing wrong with having a cup of coffee with your morning devotion. There's nothing wrong with journaling your thoughts or the thoughts the Lord has put on your heart. There's nothing wrong with 'getting plugged in' and 'loving on people', but what can be wrong is the heart that is used when doing these things. Is it because of Jesus? Or is it because of the people that follow Jesus? Questioning other people's sincerity in their love for God is very much so a stumbling block and a sin. We all do it. I know I do, and I struggle with it. I want to love and accept people for who God has created them to be! I love being able to meet up with a friend and have a conversation and dwell on what the Lord is teaching me and how the Lord is stretching me... But my main question is this:  If all of a sudden, being a Christian wasn't cool...would you still follow and pursue Jesus? If all of a sudden, the "Christian Culture" did not exist...would you still follow and pursue Jesus? Would I still follow and pursue Jesus?

Monday

Monday thanksgiving:

          Last night before I went into the studio, I prayed for an attitude change towards my work. I'd been viewing it as this burden that I couldn't untie, that I couldn't shake off. But I realized it wasn't the "burden" that was wrong, it was my eyes that saw this load as a burden. So I prayed that I would realize that I had chosen this major, and that I can love every step.  No, it's not easy to stay up until 4 am gluing, cutting, and sometimes throwing pieces of your project on the ground and cursing the day you thought you could be a graphic designer (yes. it happens.). And yes, my major creates anxiety...if I let it. I can have emotional breakdowns that make me question my integrity as a creative and question whether I am where I need to be. But then I realize usually these thoughts are caused by a lack of sleep and over thinking a project. So you just breathe and trudge on.
          Then this weekend, I was talking to my mom about this. She assured me no one would think less of me for possibly looking at a different major...and then I realized:

I don't have another major.

I want THIS major.

And I'm willing to cry and bleed over it (dramatic? truth.)

          On that note, I've decided that being stubborn is going to keep me going and trying to view my projects as opportunities to manage my time so that I don't have emotional breakdowns and so that I can design something that makes me happy. 

What else would I do?

          So when I walked into studio last night, I felt as though God put His hand on me and blessed my time. Yes, I was awake until 4 am and had class at 8 with the project due...at 8. But I never complained and I just realized THIS is my major. I can draw limits to keep myself healthy and sane and then past that I have to realize I just have a major that takes a lot. 

But boy is it worth it.

So to all you weary and heavy laden college students:

You signed up for this.

You should do what makes you happy.

And then work your tail off because when you grab that diploma 4 (or 5 or 6) years later...you know you have EARNED that stinker. It's YOURS.

And then go off and find your dream job.

Live life.

It's just 4 years compared to the rest of your life.

Praise God for clarity of thought.

And praise God for the blessing of life! 

Yes. I am so blessed.

P.S. I'm aware that the majority of my posts revolve around stress. I've accepted that it's just a prevalent part of my life right now and I'm willing to fight it. So if you get tired of reading about it...I truly am sorry...

all ye that labor and are heavy laden

This is me. This is me being scared of stress.

I don't like stress and I am not naturally an organized person.

But I'm learning to put a lot of my preferences aside in order to accomplish my school work and to live healthily. Everything has to do with just trusting in Jesus.
EVERYTHING.
I'm learning this. You never are in a situation that cannot be bettered by trusting in the Lord.

So yeah. I have a lot to do, but I'm not going to stress and become weary. I'm going to work hard and trust in the Lord.

And that will have to be enough.

Blessed words to battle your day with:


On Jordan's stormy banks I stand
and cast a wishful eye
to Canaan's fair and happy land
where my possessions lie

All o'er those wide extended plains
Shines one eternal day
There God, the Son forever reigns
And scatters night away.

I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for promised land. 

No chilling winds nor poisonous breath
Can reach that healthful shore,
Sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more.

When shall I reach that happy place
And be forever blest,
When shall I see my Father's face
And in his bosom rest.

I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for promised land.

insta-HAMin' it up

(um. and because my friends didn't understand what HAM stood for...I'm using it in the sense of 'hamming' it up for the camera...haha)

Say What?

3 weeks.

I have 3 weeks until I move to school.

This past Saturday, I had a moment of realization that what I JUST said ^ was true.

This past Saturday was the 3 week mark.

Am I excited?

Yes!

I love the independence of being able to go wherever I want, whenever I want without anyone's permission.

I like the fact that I'll be walking to class and I'll be in class with other people (home schooled remember?).

I'll get to walk to class in the fall with a to-go cup of coffee.

I'll have study buddies.

I get to sit in Jordan-Hare stadium as a STUDENT.

I'll have a school of my own...with amazing team spirit.

I'll have drawing assignments.

I get to "nest" in my dorm.

I become my own person, doing what I like.

But at the same time...

I'm going somewhere new by myself.

Completely new people that I can't always trust immediately.

or at all.

I love change...but this is BIG.

This is COLLEGE.

Me?

Yes.

I'm going to college.

yes. all that to say:

I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT.