What I desire to feel.

Monday thanksgiving:

          Last night before I went into the studio, I prayed for an attitude change towards my work. I'd been viewing it as this burden that I couldn't untie, that I couldn't shake off. But I realized it wasn't the "burden" that was wrong, it was my eyes that saw this load as a burden. So I prayed that I would realize that I had chosen this major, and that I can love every step.  No, it's not easy to stay up until 4 am gluing, cutting, and sometimes throwing pieces of your project on the ground and cursing the day you thought you could be a graphic designer (yes. it happens.). And yes, my major creates anxiety...if I let it. I can have emotional breakdowns that make me question my integrity as a creative and question whether I am where I need to be. But then I realize usually these thoughts are caused by a lack of sleep and over thinking a project. So you just breathe and trudge on.
          Then this weekend, I was talking to my mom about this. She assured me no one would think less of me for possibly looking at a different major...and then I realized:

I don't have another major.
I want THIS major.
And I'm willing to cry and bleed over it (dramatic? truth.)

          On that note, I've decided that being stubborn is going to keep me going and trying to view my projects as opportunities to manage my time so that I don't have emotional breakdowns and so that I can design something that makes me happy. 
What else would I do?

          So when I walked into studio last night, I felt as though God put His hand on me and blessed my time. Yes, I was awake until 4 am and had class at 8 with the project due...at 8. But I never complained and I just realized THIS is my major. I can draw limits to keep myself healthy and sane and then past that I have to realize I just have a major that takes a lot. 

But boy is it worth it.

So to all you weary and heavy laden college students:

You signed up for this.
You should do what makes you happy.
And then work your tail off because when you grab that diploma 4 (or 5 or 6) years later...you know you have EARNED that stinker. It's YOURS.
And then go off and find your dream job.

Live life.
It's just 4 years compared to the rest of your life.

Praise God for clarity of thought.
And praise God for the blessing of life! 

Yes. I am so blessed.

P.S. I'm aware that the majority of my posts revolve around stress. I've accepted that it's just a prevalent part of my life right now and I'm willing to fight it. So if you get tired of reading about it...I truly am sorry...


AbbieBabble said...

You're so right, even for those of us who are out of college. Even when we're stressed, the choices that we've made are the ones that got us to where we are.

Wise words, lady!

Chelsea said...

YOU GOT THIS!!!! i love you!

Rachel said...

oh Whit, such a good post! Going through the vet tech program was THE hardest and most STRESSFUL thing I've ever gone through, I hated it with a passion at times... but only because I WANTED it and LOVED it so much. I have no regrets with my major choice, and now that I am working in the field it just confirms why I chose what I did. God will open a door for you,and once you go through that door that path ain't always roses and rainbows, but at the end of it you will find rest and reward!

Annaliese Gillette said...

Dude, this post is exactly what I needed to see today. So, thank you for talking about stress, haha. Because Jesus spoke through you to me today.

Truly, thanks.

Tori Watson said...

Such a great perspective. I'm proud of you, girl. Keep working hard & letting the Lord keep your thoughts & attitude focused! <3