Wednesday, Wednesday

Today, I have a few of thoughts. This happens quite a lot because I don't believe I'm the best at articulating exactly what I'm thinking.

-I can be a perfectionist. I am a perfectionist...a tunnel-vision perfectionist. As in, I can't really think about anything else. But at the same time...I'm constantly thinking about a bunch of things. So...I'm tunnel-vision with ADD? I'm much like my mom in this way. That's why we make lists. Because we're perfectionists that have tunnel vision (maybe we don't have tunnel vision at all...), we don't want everything else to fall down around us (because we can't concentrate on just ONE thing), so we make lists so that we can be perfectionists in other areas too. All at the same time!
In one area, I'm a perfectionist in that I have to be prepared. Not just prepared but possibly over-prepared for whatever I'm doing. I freak out a bit until I'm done with my preparation, and then once the deadline has arrived, I chill out and go, "Well. I did my best. If it's terrible...dangit."

-I sometimes believe that I possess "emo-child-syndrome". I have all these ideas swirling around in my head (I'm a thinker...yay!) and sometimes, I try to write them down. Sometimes I try to discuss them. And a lot of the times as I'm carrying on the conversation in my head, trying to figure out how to articulate the thought...I decide NOT to share it with anyone because I don't think anyone will understand me (get the emo-child part now? 'no one understands me!'). I'm trying to work on articulating in a clear, precise manner, that is not boring or bland. I would like to be a better writer so if anyone has tips for that...let me know. Until then, I'm just going to try and write more and more, and read more and more.
I apologize if my grammar skills aren't always the best, and if my "thoughts" aren't cohesive whatsoever and you're left thinking "well that was...um...I don't really know what that was."

-Doing random "nothingness" with people you love is never overrated. I read a blog post recently that completely encapsulated some of my thoughts over the past few months. Doing "nothing" is a lot of what I remember doing with my family. We're big dinner-and-a-movie people...actually we're just lovers of relaxing. Over Christmas, we would all just sit in our den in front of the fire...watching a movie, drinking wassail, watching the fire, reading, napping, just sitting, etc. But we also like adventure! When it snowed we went into our woods to discover middle earth (remember?), we go on trips (new orleans, asheville, most recently), we play lots of Nerts (best card game in the universe), and we just do cool stuff. I might be just a little biased.
But over the past few months, I've been hit with the realization that our dynamic has drastically changed in the past four years. I remember when we were driving Savanna to Auburn her freshman year to move her into her dorm, and thinking how the time of us all living under one roof was over. Sure, she would come home (she lives at home now...which I looove) during breaks and weekends, but it was over for the three of us to go on field trips together. The time was gone of us all eating eggs and bacon at the table on a school morning. We would no longer all sit in the same classroom and do stupid grammar jingles together. This is what hit me: I always will have my extremely tight-knit family around me, supporting me. But my childhood-family is gone. I can think back and remember it with love, but it won't come back. Now, that's very depressing in one sense. On the other hand, I have to remember that time flies by (ah! stop this train!) and life moves on. All three of us kids are meant to do something in this world. We (hopefully) have future families to nurture. We have places to go, things to see, and we still get to come home every once in a while and just 'be' with our family. I'll miss you childhood-family...I already do. But, my future life is so intriguing at the same time. What in the world does God hold for MY future? I want to find out! And I will!
Oh. and not to mention the fact that moving on from my childhood family means our family GROWING. I'll get a new sister, a new brother, and hopefully about a baJILLION nieces and nephews...that I'll spoil and spoil and spoil. Can't wait for that.


michaelacosta said...

So so good...thanks for writing that. :)

Margaretta said...

I'll tell you what helps me most with writing: always remember that good writing comes out of deeply felt love and respect for your life and experiences and the world you live in. It may not sound related at first, but it's so true. People who aren't in the habit of purposefully loving the lives they are given don't pay attention-- they miss details, or they don't believe that the details matter, so then they must resort to cliches to fill things out. People who believe in the beauty and worth of their everyday experiences are motivated by love for these things to pay close attention, to cherish, and then put the work into preserving what they see and feel and know on a page. It's all about love, I really believe. Love and respect. And we can all tell that you feel that way about your life, so that's half the battle!

Longest blog comment ever. Goodness.

Anonymous said...

I remember crying in Auburn one night over the fact that "it was all over."

But, it's not. It's just different and ever-changing. And it always will be.

And I looove being home, too. :-)

Rachel said...

love love love the pictures! and me, too - perfectionist to a T. it drives me crazy. and i hope you do get bajillions of nieces and nephews! i've got about 12 or so right now and they are the bomb-diggity. ha. seriously, though, i'm all about a big family

Graham said...

It's not over, little sister. It's just Chapter Two.

Dani said...

I love, love, love, the part at the end about the family.

Harris said...

Whit, that was spot on.

I wish you would share some of your crazy/wild/weird/fantastic ideas with me.