And this is where you begin.

Sometimes no matter what you do in life, no matter how many things you become involved in, no matter the people you surround yourself...you still end up hurting.

Sometimes you hurt more because your foundation has faltered and you haven't been building your foundation to be the fortress it should be.

Because of that, when something heads toward you it will hit you like an oncoming train and crash because you don't have the strength to handle whatever it is that has hit you square in the face.

Obviously, thinking that YOU should have the strength to face anything is one area anyone goes wrong.

In times like these, all I want is to devour the word of God.

All I want is to have God's arms stretch to hug me until I can barely breathe.

And I thought about why that is my reaction to trial.

Well. Because my soul and spirit knows what is missing.

My spirit knows that the word of God is what truly will help.

My spirit desires it's Father. My soul desires God.

'As the hart (deer) panteth fafter the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I Come and appear before God? My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is they God?'

-Psalm 42:1-3

^This Psalm shows me that even David desired God. When it seems David had an unreal intimacy with God...he still desired God just as much as I do.

And then once I hit the train head on and my knees shake because my foundation is weak and it is faulty and I cannot stand...I have to remember these things:

'God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; (...)Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.'

-Psalm 46:1,2,10,& 11

(and Morgan showed this one to me last night)

'For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.'

-Psalm 107:9

So I think right now I'm just going to trust the promises set out in the Psalms.

And I realize that building a foundation is an ongoing process. It never stops.

EVER.

and all of that would be my main 2012 resolution. more of...picking up where I left.