Being home from staffing has its perks for sure. I can sleep for a healthy amount of time. I can bake (vegan banana bread...I believe I ate half the batch). I can see my family. I can do school in the sunshine. I can skype people :). I can update my blog. And that's just a tiny bit of the stuff I can do.
After being held to such a high standard and realizing that the reason you were staffing was to impact student's lives...once you're home you adopt this feeling of purposelessness (it's a word. I googled it.). Of course, the second I say that I imagine myself slapping the tops of my hands. Because obviously our chance to impact a life is always staring us in the face. Nevertheless, at a class, I'm a staffer and I'm helping others. Once home (as stated by my friend) we're back to being our normal selves: daughter, sister, friend. Nothing is wrong with this. It's just an odd feeling. It's definitely an adjustment. But that's life, you have times where you're flung into a whirlwind of leadership and you have times where you just have to be still. With that leadership comes humility. You realize that you can't do any of this leadership without the hand of God helping you along. You realize you can't answer questions about life without praying that the spirit of God would fill you as you attempt to answer those questions. You realize you can't live on 5 hours of sleep, and greasy food without God giving you strength and energy.
I realized I couldn't do it without God.
While staffing, you are slapped in the face with that realization. It's constantly resounding in your head,
"You are weak; He is strong. Pick up your cross."
At home, you know that you can't do it without God, but circumstances are easier, more comfortable. You don't necessarily always feel that you can't do it without God. You don't have to call on God to complete a task such as washing dishes or making a cup of tea. These times of stillness are a blessing and I'm just having to adjust myself to see that. These are times where I prepare myself in a relation with Christ. So that when the time comes, I'm ready to speak about His name in a way that is educated and loving. Times of stillness are times of thought. Times of stillness are times to commune with God. And I tell myself this over and over again.
"Be still and know that I am God..." - Psalm 46:10